So they walked and talked and discovered they both had two weeks holiday at the same time in the summer and the rest of the school holidays were long and unplanned; and they arranged to meet over the 'Waste'. The Waste was a large, rough piece of land. In those days, before greed was good and everything had to be owned, no-one even asked if it was common land, or government land (it had been a military camp in a war, you could see the concrete bases where the buildings had been. No-one was even sure if it was first or second world war), or what. It just was and people would walk there, walk their dogs there, meet their lovers (well hidden, no dogging or anything), or have picnics. That last was what they now planned for the first Wednesday after term finished. They would both bring sandwiches (not fish paste!) and stop at the little shop on the corner where their classmate Jerry's aunt would grumpily serve children with sweets. Then they would have a picnic of sandwiches, orange. Again Barbara looked at her son, it was as if her handsome husband was sitting across the large table from her, albeit it a much younger version. She could see the hurt in Jay’s eyes, how she wanted to hold him telling Jay everything would be ok, but everything would not be ok, she could not bring his father back. She suffered through the holidays alone without her husband or her son, but it was even worse for Jay at his young age, he no longer had a dad and as for Barbara she was no longer his mother. The months that followed were the most difficult for Barbara with Jay refusing to allow her to be part of his life. What had she done? Jay was right, it was all her fault, if only she had stayed with Sam, sought counseling, done something, anything but be the reason Sam’s pain was so unbearable that he felt ending his life was the only solution. How could she have been so vain, so self-absorbed? For more than nine months Jay continued to shut his mom out of his life rejecting her.
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